Let Them Eat Chaos Page 2
We
Are
Lost
we are lost
we are lost
And still nothing
will stop
Nothing pauses
We have ambitions
and friendships
and our courtships
to think of
divorces to drink off
the thought of
The Money
The Money
The Oil.
The planet is shaking and spoiled.
Your life is a plaything. A garment to soil.
The Toil
The Toil.
I can’t see an ending at all.
Only
The End.
How is this something to cherish?
When the tribesmen are dead in their deserts
to make room for alien structures?
Develop
Develop
Kill What You Find if it Threatens You.
No trace of love
in the hunt
for the
bigger buck.
Here
in the land
where nobody
gives a fuck.
What am I gonna do
to wake up?
Across the street, above the green
in the flat with the colourful curtains
Alicia’s wrapped in her blankets
Head leant back on the wall
She’s gripping her knees.
Looking for purpose.
Shaking and nervous.
She keeps a brave face on all day long
but now the brave face is gone.
Something in the changing seasons
prickled in her skin all day
Sucked her back through time
and left her feeling far away.
He was in her dream.
She hasn’t dreamed of him for months.
She’s so tired when she sleeps,
she doesn’t really dream at all.
But there he was:
holding his belly,
blood on his shirt.
She heard him scream her name.
And then she saw him fall.
Alicia wipes her face
and whispers to herself
was just a dream
She sniffs and nods and dries her eyes.
She checks the time.
It’s 4:18.
It’s a strange thing.
Your face seems to fade with the changing seasons.
Then, for some reason
it comes back
more present than ever.
Well not your face, really.
More a sense of you.
Even though I know it’s happened
it’s no more comprehensible
than if it was an abstract thing.
Someone else’s friend.
Are you asking me for something?
Is there something I should do?
It’s hard on your mother.
She lost your little brother too.
But your sister’s doing good.
She’s smart.
Smart like you.
She’ll finish her degree next year.
Try and find a job I s’pose.
She’s got her head screwed on right.
You don’t have to worry.
But is there something else?
I mean, if there is, I’m sorry.
I can’t really think
what you might want from me.
I heard your voice so loud it woke me up.
I don’t believe in ghosts.
Work’s fine. Life’s good.
Ty’s nearly four now.
Smart enough to walk round
and hear what I don’t say.
The night it happened
is vivid in my brain.
It won’t fade.
Life is long, still.
Some things don’t change.
Be nice to fall in love again.
But that ain’t gonna happen soon.
Trying to get some money saved,
fix up the living room.
I nearly got in trouble
I got angry with my manager.
There’s this young girl who works with us.
He tried to put his hands on her.
It’s such a waste.
So many idiots alive and kicking.
Why’d it have to be the only sane man in town?
I’m probably only saying that
coz you’re not around.
I’m keeping my chin up.
I don’t let it get me down.
I heard your voice so loud it woke me up.
I don’t believe in ghosts.
You’re with me all the time.
I think I know you better
than I did when we were hanging out together.
What’s it like where you’ve gone?
Well I can feel it, it’s ok.
I know you can’t say.
But you’ve been with me all day.
I have to tell you
When it happened, I couldn’t cry for ages.
But when it hit me
I fucking screamed like a lion in a cage.
And look, I fasted.
I didn’t eat a thing for like a week –
I just walked across the heath in the rain
Spitting bars to the grass
Listening to the cars
skidding past.
I thought life would get more real or something.
More fast.
But it didn’t.
When I look at your son, though, life’s hidden
meanings come to the front of my vision.
And it’s weird.
The way I see it right now, it’s so strong.
I’d never be the person I’ve become if you had never gone.
Everything’s connected. Right?
Everything’s connected.
And even if I can’t read it right, everything’s a message.
We die.
So others can be born.
We age
so others can be young.
The point of life is live.
Love if you can. Then pass it on.
We die so others can be born
We age so others can be young
The point of life is live,
Love if you can
Then pass it on.
Now, who’s this staggering home?
Jabbering,
looking like some streetsmart arrogant gnome?
Feet sticking to the kerb like javelins thrown,
gesturing wildly,
having full blown
conversations with himself,
saying, haven’t you grown? to his face in the windows,
grimacing
grappling with half a cigarette
not managing.
This is Pete.
Pete grew up on this street.
He moved away
but he’s back living at his Dad’s so he can save.
He rigs stages at live events
But every time he gets paid
he gets wasted
and wakes up with less than he made
and he hates it
But that’s life, right?
Fast-paced, shit-faced, low-maintenance.
And all of his mates
are kind of on the same page
it’s basic wages,
takes ages
to get through the month
then payday comes
and it’s drinks all round.
Outrageous behaviour,
living right now
and no sense of later.
Pills by the pocketful.
Nights last days.
And even if he never splashed out
he still couldn’t make the rent on his own place.
Face it.
It’s 4:18
Pete’s fourte
en doors from home.
His thoughts are like a pack of starving dogs,
Fighting
over
the
last
bone.
No no no no no no no. Yeah, so anyway,
what was I saying?
Fuck it mate. Hold on. I’m coming up,
wait
Good night,
weren’t it?
Must have been
Burnt too
much on the
good stuff,
lucky me.
I looked up,
saw my future
unravel in the lights,
funny innit?
I’ll have that sinking feeling any minute.
But you can’t win a race
less you’re running in it,
right?
Can’t get a taste ’less you’ve taken a bite.
Man
I’m
climbing
the
walls,
things are getting difficult
it’s all
take take take
I start early,
work late.
Putting in the hours
for these drugs tokens.
Love’s a joke
till your blood’s pulsing
Love is real
when you start choking
I’m double dropping
in the vast ocean
State of me, mate.
Blatantly the way I was made.
Man, I been getting on it
since back in the day.
Good place for a bad time
if you ask me.
Trust me
Nothing gets past me.
Bad place for a good time,
know what I mean?
I never met no one like you,
it feels like a dream.
Woops.
Back here again.
How many times have I sworn it’s the end?
Woops.
I know this feeling.
Shovelling the rubbish till I’m staring at the ceiling.
Woops.
Dancing to a shit tune.
Hands in the air when it hits you.
Woops.
I’m lying in my bed
and my brain is eating my head.
I got these demons that I can’t shake
My past is a vast place.
Can’t get away.
Life got grim back then,
like it does.
You know how it feels
to lose people you love?
I like talking to you like this!
You wanna come back?
Couple drinks,
something like that?
I got a gram on my nightstand,
I got an eighth of squidgy black.
I got this feeling that we’re gonna be
friends.
I got this song
I wanna play it to you.
I got this dream
I’m gonna make it happen.
I got this thing,
I wanna say it to you.
I been writing poems,
it’s a thing that I do,
would you mind if I
shared one with
you?
No. Course not.
Right.
Sorry.
This time of night,
I always end up spouting
the same old shite.
Reminds me of this time I was trying to find my mind in the back of this rave. This kid was spilling blood all over the place. And I was looking out for someone to save or be saved by, and I found this paper plate. I started writing,
man, it felt fucking great.
I knew then
me and the pen
we were one and the same.
But I can’t take the strain of the days
I’m pretty sure I’m halfway
to insane
You’ve got such a nice face
And your eyes are like
rain
I’d try and kiss you
if I could just remember your
name
Woops.
Back here then s’pose.
Don’t watch the state of my nose.
Woops.
My jaw’s gone west.
I’ve started getting pains in my chest
Is that normal?
Woops.
There goes my promise.
All it took was two drinks
till I got on it.
Woops.
I swear this person isn’t me.
We did have fun though,
didn’t we?
Didn’t we?
Above Pete’s head
as he fumbles with his key
The clouds get dark,
start brawling.
Wargames
ancient faces,
pushing each other around.
The sky’s changing.
A roaring storm is coming.
A howling mist,
a growling downpour.
But Pete don’t see it.
Pete’s too busy
trying to make
his key fit.
Can’t.
Quite.
Get.
It.
Right.
In their rooms, Alicia,
and Esther
and Jemma
are too concerned with their own thoughts
to think about the weather.
But we see –
the clouds like furious ink
thick liquid sinks and
whips the wind
pitch-shifted
rumble, screams from a swollen grin –
there’s a big storm rolling in.
We came from the four corners
We are the raw waters that course
The four horsemen will drink
from the water that pours
We carry the river,
the reservoir
the residue
the rising waves,
the sea spray,
the inevitable churn and crush
Many voices in our vapours,
we surge and gush –
we were steam
in a distant heat
We moved rapid over landscapes,
gathering speed
Desertland. City. Forest and beach.
Heading for the people asleep.
Ready to bleed
Unleash the torrents.
Come clean.
Made of many lessons.
Pouring down.
But you better learn to swim
before you drown.
Hard rain falling,
on all the half-hearted
half-formed
fast walking
Half-fury, half-boredom.
Hard talking.
Half-dead from exhaustion.
Hard pushed,
but the puddles keep forming.
Don’t fall in.
Some saw us in their tea-leaves
Some felt us in their knees
Most left it to the weathermen
to tell them there was nothing to see.
You can play dumb and ignore for so long
But we’ve been in the mountains getting strong
We’ve seen you
filling up the sky with your fumes
Sitting in your rooms
like you’re all that ever lived
Heads down to the lives
of the others in your towns
Running from the rains
like you’ve never been kissed
Look – leave
your possessions and funds
tell your friends that you’ve gone
to make peace with the things you’ve never done.
Come dance in the deluge
Spill like the flood.
The weather-vane swings
&nb
sp; things will never change sing
All the money men who close their eyes
and pretend
that this rumble
must be low planes.
So strange
Hard rain falling
on all the half-hearted, half-formed, fast walking
half-fury, half-boredom,
hard talking.
Half-dead from exhaustion,
hard pushed but the
puddles keep forming.
Don’t fall in.
And they will run to the highest hill.
Consult the old books.
Ask the dead mystics
for wisdom they don’t trust.
The people
will flock to the garages,
stock-pile canisters
of gasoline
tinned fish
and bandages.
Count the seconds between the thunder and the lightning
Scared of every other body running round frightened.
We can’t carry on like this, you will mutter
Staring with disgust
at the people
weeping in the gutter.
We made no trouble
we played by the rules.
I worked double shifts
to get my kids through school.
But you were so focused
on your own little part,
you went ploughing on
blind in the dark.
No heart.
We are not the dread storm that will end things
We’re just your playful
gale-force friend
in the end times
Come to remind you
that you’re not an island
Life is much broader
than borders
but who can afford
to think over the walls of this fortress.
Of course it’s important
to provide roof and floorboards
for you and yours
and be secure in your fortunes.
But you’re more
than the three or four
you’d go to war for.
You’re part of a people that need your support
and whose world is it?
If it belongs to the corporates
the People are left on the doorstep.
Door-shut.
Nauseas.
Tortured by all that they lost.
Hard rain falling on all the half-hearted, half-formed, fast-walking half-fury, half-boredom, hard-talking. Half-dead from exhaustion, hard pushed but the puddles keep forming.
Don’t fall in.
On the second floor
of the new block
In the flat with the yellow door,
next to the boarded-up independent record store
Bradley is awake.
He’s watching notches on his clock face
Just lying there thinking.
Limbs like fallen buildings.
Feeling like every day he’s ever lived
is out to kill him.
Bradley’s got a good job; he works in PR.
He moved south a few months back.
Top-whack flat,
all mod-cons.
Wall-size windows.
Manchester boy
done good in The Big Smoke.
Young professional, single, Tinder and flings
Life seems simpler
than it’s ever been
he’s doing well, he’s
Living The Dream